from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
