It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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