THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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