I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I think pants incapable of making pants work
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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