dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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