hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
