I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
