Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
