i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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