I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I wish I only lived at night.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Randomize
