if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
false alarm, still single
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
