Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
