You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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