God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
