Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
My pussy is not your playground.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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