Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
