also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
