Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You need a sexual gate keeper
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
