I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize