Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
