we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
