You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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