Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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