I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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