don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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