we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
