Pregnant stripper...not hot.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You're a waste of cheezeits
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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