Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
