You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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