Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
