I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
