sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
