so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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