ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
