My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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