Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
