Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize
