Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
