if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
