just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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