Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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