A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
