You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
