Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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