I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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