I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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