Are we in a gay sports bar?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
