the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
