I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
