this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
