i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
