I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Randomize
