So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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