craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
