The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
