it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
