I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
