So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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