I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
