You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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