You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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