Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize