The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
