I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
