We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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