I smell stomach acid.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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