Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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