she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Randomize