Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize