Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
